Sunday, November 1, 2009

the choices we make

This is a story about my most recent gluten free fail and why I should always listen to that little voice that tells me to step away from the food.

I was at my parents' house this weekend, and they are truly wonderful about feeding me gluten free food. But they can't protect me from myself.

Now, at my house, I am very strict about not double dipping into jars. My husband has been well trained, and if he forgets and there's even a slight potential gluten contamination, we label the jar and he eats the rest (I open a fresh jar for myself). This rarely happens, but if it does, this method has been very helpful for us.

So why, oh why did I think that I should put jelly from the 1/2 full jar in my parents' fridge on my gluten free bread bed time snack? There were many unopened jars in the cupboard for me to choose from. I could have opened a fresh jar and eaten my bread and jelly worry free? why, after putting the potentially contaminated jelly on my gluten free bread and having the thought "I shouldn't eat this" did I go ahead and wolf it down?

Because if nothing else: I am a gluten for punishment.

I told that nagging voice in my head "It will be fine! I don't know for sure that there are crumbs in this jelly. I only have a few pieces of GF bread with me. It would be sacrilege to throw these away..." and it was delicious. I went to bed smug that I was feeling fine.

and then about 12 hours later I felt it. The tightness in my abdomen. the pokey pain around my insides. the rapidly expanding stomach (I looked about 4 months prego by lunch time). the overwhelming feeling of failure. Because this time, I have no one to blame but myself.

My mom did everything right. None of the food she put on the table for me made me sick. It was my choices, my lapse in the vigilance, my gluttony that did it.

So while I didn't dive face first into the donut case at the grocery like I wanted to, I still failed to follow the first and most important rule of gluten free eating: don't assume that what you don't know to be safe will be "ok".

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